Hi Everyone,

I have been going through a bit writers block lately. My posts are usually inspired by my client’s and I haven’t felt that pang of inspiration. Then it hit me. I was giving a reading the other day , and  she asked about the above title.  I have been asked this question since the beginning of my career. So below are my sure-fire ways to get over your ex for good.

It is not easy to get over heartbreak and rejection.  We replay every detail scrutinizing everything that happened. Stalk their social media. Perhaps even try to fix things . All of this creates negative energy.  Once you’ve got that going it grows and can snowball out of control.  More than likely other areas of your life begin to be affected by this negative energy. You may notice problems with your job, friends,health. . . .

Soon you’re up all night comparing your life with your ex’s and yelling why me???  This spiral of doom is pretty common so don’t feel bad if you’ve been there.

The first step is allowing yourself to let go. Let go of your anger, your hurt ,your jealousy, and Your dissapointment. I’m gonna be honest, this is going to be the hardest part. Holding on to these emotions only keep you attatched to your ex. This is very self destructive. It’s basically like putting yourself in prison. You’re lfe can not go forward if you are living each day in the past.

Your first order of business is to find peace and closure. Ideally talking with your ex to find closure is the best way, but unfortunately in many cases this doesnt work. When you are faced with an ex that won’t speak with you, try wrighting a letter that you then rip up and throw away. Getting those feelings out of your body and on to paper is very theraputic.

The next step is to decide that letting go is what you really want to do. This is a step that many people find difficult. I have spoken to many clients who know they should let go of there ex, but just aren’t really ready. Until you are really ready to move on you won’t be able to. Be honest with yourself, are you ready?

It is also worth mentioning that this is why you keep letting an ex back into your life over and over. I have spoken with many people about this subject over the years. I hear the same old excuses:

“He won’t leave me alone”

“He keeps coming back”

“He won’t let me go”

I hear these all the time from people. I always say the same thing.

” You have complete control of your life and who you choose to have in it. They come back because you let them. You answer the phone. You meet with them. You let them back in because you want them. You want to believe in them. You like the chase. You want their attention. When you have had enough you will let go.”

It is really hard to give up on the dream, really admit that this isn’t going to work out. You have to accept that loving somebody for what you hope they would someday become is not going to work.

The final step is to rais your standards. This concept may seem over simplified, but it is the truth. If I offered you a sandwich from a garbage can you would most likely refuse (I hope).  When it  comes to food, clothing, your job, practicly anything in your life you have certain standards.  The reason you haven’t allowed yourself to get over your ex is because you still see that person as valuable and worthy of your love and time.

If you were to evaluate the situation honestly and see the relationship for what it was and not what you hoped it could be you would start to see things differently. Once you agknowledge the areas that were fractured you could see where you  needed to improve your standards and begin to piece together a formula for a more healthy relationship that would sustain youe emotional and physical needs. Its basically the same process you use to evaluate everything else in your life.

When your old couch gets lumpy and stained with god knows what and the springs start popping out you eventually get tired of dealing with it and purchase a new one. It may seem cold to compare a relationship with a couch, but sometimes you just have to look at things practically to solve a problem.

Once you decide that your ex is was too lumpy and stained up with all of the things you disliked it will be easier to let them go.  Making a clearly defined list of your relationship must-haves will kee you on track, and help to keep you from repeating the same negative patterns.

If you take nothing else away from all my words take this:

The best revenge is living well. Take care of yourself. Give yourself time to heal and recover, Don’t waste time on revenge or competition.  Focus your energy on building a better life for yourself.

I hope you find this post helpful. You deserve a good relationship.

Jen